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by Jeff VanderMeer
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An Open Letter and Disclosure Report From VanderCorp
(the sponsors of VanderWorld)
To Potential Stock Holders & Other Interested Parties:
VanderCorp is a multinational conglomerate of corporations devoted to the promotion and exploitation of Jeff VanderMeer's renewable and nonrenewable resources. As the creators behind "VanderWorld", and with VanderCorp shares soon available to the public on the New York and Tokyo Stock Exchanges, we have decided to publish a full disclosure of VanderAssets. We have broken down these assets into the categories "renewable resources" and "nonrenewable resources", estimated their worth, and produced the results below in a convenient table that includes conversions for U.S. dollars into other currencies (at current exchange rates). Please note that these tables do not list movie, video, straight-to-video, performance art, sculpture, foreign language, or other media rights that might be considered "nonrenewable" or possibly "renewable" resources as we are still assessing their considerable worth.
VanderCorp is physically located on 10.5 acres outside of Green Bay, Wisconsin, and holds minority shares of stock in both MicroSoft and BioTech. We operated on net revenues in 1999 of approximately $450,000.00, with a projected 75% annual growth rate. (Please note that the recent diversification of VanderCorp into illegal ostrich farming, international money laundering, and credit card fraud has dynamically affected company growth.)
Sincerely,
Munchfield Lime
CEO
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NONRENEWABLE RESOURCES
|
|
Resource
|
U.S.
Dollars
|
Yen
|
Pounds
|
Pesos
|
Fiji
Dollars
|
Deutsch-
marks
|
Adrenal glands
|
250.00
|
26,417.13 |
158.34 |
2,322.50 |
514.25 |
520.49 |
|
Brain
|
1.99
|
210.34 |
1.26 |
18.49 |
4.09 |
4.14 |
|
Eyes (2)
|
200,000.00
|
21,140,559.00 |
126,667.45 |
1,858,000.00 |
411,400.00 |
416,390.84 |
|
Heart
|
25,000.00
|
2,642,599.79 |
15,833.34 |
232,250.00 |
51,425.00 |
52,053.03 |
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Kidneys (2)
|
20,000.00
|
2,114,183.86 |
12,665.17 |
185,800.00 |
41,140.00 |
41,642.25 |
Left hand
|
250,000.00
|
26,427,870.91 |
158,309.31 |
2,322,500.00 |
514,250.00 |
520,495.79 |
Left Wrist
|
100,000.00
|
10,572,571.96 |
63,326.77 |
929,000.00 |
205,700.00 |
208,159.02 |
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Liver
|
5.50
|
581.70 |
3.48 |
51.10 |
11.31 |
11.44 |
Plot twists
|
1.50
|
158.65 |
0.94 |
13.94 |
3.09 |
3.12 |
Number of times Jeff uses the word "beautiful" in any given story
|
20.00
|
2,115.26 |
12.66 |
185.80 |
41.14 |
41.61 |
Unique settings
|
200.00
|
21,144.71 |
126.65 |
1,858.00 |
411.40 |
416.04 |
Unique storylines
|
3,000.00
|
317,170.66 |
1,899.68 |
27,870.00 |
6,171.00 |
6,240.00 |
TOTAL
|
550,278.99
|
63,265,583.97 |
379,005.05 |
4,630,869.83 |
1,231,071.28 |
1,245,977.77 |
| RENEWABLE
RESOURCES |
| Resource
|
U.S.
Dollars |
Yen
|
Pounds
|
Pesos |
Fiji
Dollars |
Deutsch-
marks |
Annoying
laugh
|
.20
|
21.13 |
0.32 |
1.86 |
0.41 |
0.42 |
Back
hair
|
1.50
|
158.65 |
0.94 |
13.94 |
3.09 |
3.12 |
Childish
penchant for bad puns
|
1.50
|
158.65 |
0.94 |
13.94 |
3.09 |
3.12 |
| Fingernails
|
1.99
|
210.34 |
1.26 |
18.49 |
4.09 |
4.14 |
| Hair
on head |
20,000.00
|
2,114,183.86 |
12,665.17 |
185,800.00 |
41,140.00 |
41,642.25 |
Imagination
|
250,000.00
|
26,427,870.91 |
158,309.31 |
2,322,500.00 |
514,250.00 |
520,495.79 |
Itchiness
|
5.50
|
581.70 |
3.48 |
51.10 |
11.31 |
11.44 |
Penchant
for purple prose
|
200.00
|
21,144.71 |
126.65 |
1,858.00 |
411.40 |
416.05 |
Stories
where Jeff's main character spends the whole narrative pondering
death and then dies, without ever interacting with another character
|
7.00
|
739.68 |
11.05 |
65.03 |
14.40 |
14.57 |
TOTAL
|
270,217.69 |
28,565,069.63 |
171,119.12 |
2,510,322.36 |
555,837.79 |
562,590.90 |
Click here to see the VanderCorp organizational chart...
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